Upset....Highly Upset....really upset.. I haven't updated in sooooo long and now I feel extremely lost and confused.. and I feel very frustrated that I haven't had the time to even write down my thoughts....isn't it sad how I cant even write down my thoughts? But I'm hopefully back in business.. but then again things would be easier if my laptop was working! Stupid thing is still getting fixed "/ I miss it though... I remember those Sundays where I would lay on my bed and just type =] good times I need that part of my life back.. I felt like I let emotions out that way.. but anyways my life is still stressing me out....but getting a little better as time goes by or maybe I'm just learning how to deal with my situation....I just can't make it the center of my life anymore..well this is all I can say for now...[BTW I was writing this while I was on my bus ride back home from visiting my grandmother who turned 74 June 2Nd woo :] and she's not ashamed to say it she still has moves lmaOo ] Ugh! now I have a stomach ache so until next time adios :] BTW bloggers should start updating like before it feels great :]

random posting

Immmm BACK =] [dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn]

Well I haven't updated in years..Ugh no time and stupid laptop of mine..supposedly got fixed..worked for the first day I got it back and after that it hasnt even turned on.. O_O so unfair..
So what to update you on..ummm Okay so yeah I made a new friend a while back [in Rhode Island thanks to my other half] :] woo! well I dont know where she has been hiding him but he's finally out and good because he's like awesome! :] I find him interesting & HOT, smart & HOT, funny & did I mention HOTTTT lmaOO...well yeah I've been getting to know him... pretty cool :]
Sooo enough about him before you want a piece of him lol.
Lately I've been STRESSED out school work has taken over my schedule..sheesh my english teacher is drowning me with essays just for I can be prepared for "regents" sheesh he's an awesome teacher..I guess he even doubts his skills in teaching..or maybe he thinks a break will make us lose concentration. A little break... sounds nice.. a spa ...a massage :] for a week..come on someone surprise me! =]
Umm...that's all for now...[Oh one more thing I need to start working out..but dont we ALL say that] lmaO..I want to sing and bug out..O_O darn.. I need excitement!! well time for me to go! buh bye =D

My hot hot weekend

LoL okay so things have been going pretty good lately....Im happy no arguments with mom...more freedom lately and just plain fun..:] Friday I chilled with the besties & stuffed our faces like always lol..Then went to a softball game that got cancelled but the day was still good :] saw and old bestie of mine and catched up on ALOT good times..Umm saturday was awesome lmaO..chilled with the besties for awhile and then bugged out with my cousin [my TSM] and her twin [My soulmate] can I ask for anything else? ..Well I can..but things cant always be PERFECT.. good enough for me I guess...for now just hope things dont start going down the drain..

heres a preview of my sunday morning

just why?

Why can't mothers ever understand?

Every Single Freaking Day!
My mother always manages to ruin my day with her thoughtless words and unecessary comments. It just seems she's always out to hurt me and I don't understand why. Why me? Out of all her kids she chooses to torture me and says stupidity. I hate that so much about her. How could she hurt me and not notice what's wrong?.. How can she trash talk me and then ask why the face? She seriously doesn't know me at all and I don't think she ever would. Its just not fair. And im getting sick and tired of it. I need to leave or just learn how to put up with it and I don't think I can put up with it any longer its too horrible. Its like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I can't take this nightmare any longer I need a dream. A dream that will save me from the "monster" the beast.. Whatever you want to call it. I just need some help. Something to help me leave or handle her...because I just can't anymore.

NO name

What's up?

Ugh! Im starting to think what is the freaking point of life you work your ASS off yes I said ass for what? Like you really work hard trying to "succeed" ..but you go through struggles,problems,a lot of tears, lose people you love..end friendships...relationships..like seriously why would I want to stay living for stupid stuff like that? Minus well take me now and end my misery before it gets worse...

Okay so before, my mom and I didn't see eye to eye..she was becoming too over protective and mean towards me but I thought that all changed when she started letting me out more often I felt a big relief thinking finally freedom and I belived we were finally "understanding eachother" but noo that all changed back to stupid level 1 even worse then before she's complaining more..not letting me go ANYWHERE because I should "dedicate" my vacation in helping her out like seriously are you crazy?! I help her when I have school and now during vacation its insane im becoming more stressed, and very misunderstood and I can't stand it. I cry at the thought that I would never get out of this horrible misery of feeling alone. Left out no one seeing behind this "fake" smile Im tired of everything everyone and life..like I said before why can't they just end my misery now? "/

Mood: Feeling Stressed Out
Thoughts: I want to just disappear or just be left alone for a long time I need time to myself and for myself Im tired of helping everyone..I want to live for me and not for anyone else..Im tired of this shitty life -__-

Anythoughts about what I said just either tell me or just keep it to yourself..enough blogging for now BYE

=] posting up!

Howdy partners/bloggers
Lmaoo im hoping I don't run out of random hellos for my post :)

Well I felt like just talking about my obsession with music and singing...They play the biggest role in my life..I love both things so much..music because the songs are always there to keep me happy, entertained, and just plain AWESOME! I love to sing eventhough I don't think I can sing good but just singing makes me feel great. Lyrics are beautiful and nothing beats the beauty of rhythm =]. Music is my life :) probably you've heard that a bunch of times but I seriously can't see my life happy without it..its like music is a part of me..=]

Well moving on from my obsession let me talk about ......hmmmm....

How gullible some girls can be..

Okay girls I know guys might think were easy to get but don't make yourself too available I hate that so much about certain girls because then all guys start to believe were all like that..and I know I am definetely not like that..I hate how girls can just believe everything a guy says to them..like your the only one for me [after you've been talking to him for a week] if he's telling you this now imagine what he says to those who he has been talking to for a month..or what about those guys who you've known for a long time but years pass and they just want to randomly hit you up and say how much they "love or like you" are you serious? Like dude where have you been?...sorry but that just pisses me off when girls make themselves too much of a target..take it easy and play it smart... =] please and thankyou chicks.. =D

Like my bestie chinese ninja says people come and go but all you need is one person to stay by your side...=] he always knows what to say =]

Well play it safe people until my next post see ya! =]

Hi -___-
Ugh! I hate when im not understood....or when people try to find out what's wrong with you...I know judging people is like a human trait but sometimes judging at the wrong time really pisses me off...No one understands me and I don't think anyone ever will...I don't like being asked what's wrong I rather people just know why....I hate when people joke around at the wrong time...but in the end my face says it all..I guess in the end i just have to be independent...

Im the girl surrounded by millions of people and still feel like the only person in the room. Im the one that puts the frustrated face and expects no one to ask..but in the end everyone manages to ask what's wrong..

Judge all you want because your words just don't mean anything anymore.
Wonder all you want but you will never fully understand me...because it feels like your NEVER there for me but always there for the rest in the end im always left out without you Ever noticing.

I guess im just weird..or messed up in the head..somethings wrong and im not sure what it is...[I guess all I can say for now is leave me alone and goodbye]